fearlessly fearing less

Fear.

I've never thought of myself as a fearful person. I'm typically pretty calm, cool, and collected...that is until a friend tries to get me to do something illegal like swim in a condo swimming pool when we're not staying at said condo. The phrase "Violators will be prosecuted" seems to have no effect on some of my friends.

Back to fear. I'm fairly even keeled, you could say. I don't exude an excess of emotion most of the time. I try not to worry myself to death over things I can't fix, I deal with my own stress in my mind and think myself through it. I (try to) take things in stride and not worry about them. After all Matthew 6 says not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough worries of its own.

For instance, my fiance (bold so he will see I didn't put "my significant other") and I are both graduating in May. We're getting married in September. We do not have jobs. We have no prospects of where to live. We're not sure how we will pay for a place to live. We're not sure how we will pay for groceries. Right now, I'm not sure how he'll eat because the only thing I can make is blueberry muffins. Needless to say, from this vantage point there's a lot of uncertainty.

Of course, we're looking for jobs, we will find somewhere to live, we will pay for groceries, and I will (hopefully) learn to make a decent meal. But right now, the "how" of all that is hovering over me.

So I just forget about it. I busy myself with other things, and "don't worry about tomorrow" because the Bible tells me so.

So I'm on the right track, right? Not fearing what's in the future, just considering what could be every now and then.

Wrong.

Yesterday, Wesley called me to let me know a job he'd been waiting to hear from didn't work out. "Okay," I thought, "God will provide. He is faithful and he has a plan." But shortly after thinking that true thought, something crept into my mind. Doubt maybe. What if he doesn't find a job? What if I can't find a job? What if we can't afford a safe place to live? I began to feel a knot in my stomach.

Again, I pushed it away. I just forgot about it. I didn't know what to call that feeling anyway, so I just didn't want to think about it. It surely was not fear. I'm never afraid. I know God will provide. He always has. I'm not afraid that he won't. I would never think that God needs to work around my time schedule. Not me. No. Never.

Wrong again. This morning I woke up and got ready for student teaching. I thought "I really need to cling to Proverbs 3:5-6 in all of this (and the rest of my life) and trust in the Lord without trying to figure it all out on my own. " As I was about to dry my hair, I checked my email and saw the devotion I get from Proverbs 31  Ministries.  It was called "Fearing the Unknown". Ironic? 

It opened with...

Then you will know which way to go,
since you have never been this way before.”


Joshua 3:4a (NIV)
 
I realized was that strange knot in my stomach was indeed fear. I didn't want to admit it, but it was. I also realized by pushing it away, I was weakening my trust in God. Yes, the Bible does say "don't worry about tomorrow", but it also says "Cast all your cares upon Him because He cares for you". I wasn't casting my cares on Him. I was just pushing them away into the corners of my mind. The hymn "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" came to mind.
 
"Oh what peace we often forfeit
Oh what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer."
 
I'm not going to explain the whole devotion, but if you get a chance check it out. There was also a link to Micca Campbell's blog (the author of this morning's devotion). She wrote a book entitled An Untroubled Heart: Finding Faith that is Stronger than All Your Fears. 
 
When I was growing up, I listened to an audio series called Adventures in Odyssey. On one episode, a child was walking in the woods and he was scared of the noises and darkness. Upon telling Mr. Whitaker (aka the coolest ice cream shop owner ever) the situation, Whit encouraged him to learn scripture to recite whenever he got scared. He chose Isaiah 41:10. I remember telling my grandma that was my favorite verse when I was about 8, mostly because I had listened to that episode countless times. I can still hear the little boy reciting it in my head as once again, in this very uncertain stage of life, I claim it as my favorite verse.
 
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

I'm off to attempt to be fearless...

A lesson from Mr. Squirrel

So I wrote this blog on MLK day. I forgot to publish it, but better late than never!...oh and my "hair doctor" was sick herself today, so I didn't get a new do...but I will soon! Hope you're feeling better, Mrs. Patsy! :) 

Today started as any typical non-school day. Slept until I felt like getting up, ate breakfast, showered, and got ready for lunch with my significant other and his parents.

11AM: As I was getting ready for the day ahead, our power went out. Awesome. At least my hair was dry already! It was out for about 10 minutes before it came back on...for 30 seconds. Then off again. By that time, I was ready so I just left and headed to lunch.

2:30 PM.Both my parents sent me a text and asked if the power was out when I left. Obviously that meant it was still out at the house...that's no good.

5:15 PM. I go home to get something and the power is still out. I called mom, and she said she was on the case.

7:30 PM. Not only do we not have power, but we're the only ones on the street without power! How did this happen?!

One word.

SQUIRREL.

Apparently around 11 AM, Mr. Squirrel was shocked when ran into the transformer. (ha...thank you, WW, for that one :)) Talk about being scared to death! Poor squirrel.

I did get a life lesson out of all this. I've gotten so used to power in the house, I didn't know what to do without it. I couldn't get online, or even my computer because I didn't have a way to charge it. I couldn't play piano because I didn't have a lamp to see the keys. Without electricity, it was VERY dark in the house.

The verse "Be still and know that I am God" came to mind. Sometimes we need to be interupted and stripped of the normalcies of life so that we can just sit. No agenda, no ways to distract ourselves, nowhere to turn. It forced/allowed Mom, Dad, and I to sit in the living room with no computers, no TV, no distractions. Just a crackling fire, candles, and family.

The power came on after 15 minutes of sitting by the fire, and soon life was back to normal. However, it was a great reminder to take life slower and savor the moments that we so often forget about.

Dear Mr. Squirrel, I'm sorry it had to end this way...but thank you for sacrificing your life so that I might learn a life lesson. :)

Hair I go again....

I remember when I was in middle school, my brother and I would tease my mom that we could determine the what year pictures of her were taken by her hair. She changed her hair all the time. Perm and really short, straight and medium short, perm and medium short...you get the picture. Not to mention the color...it was typically the same but there was a short period when she added some highlights to it. Her hair always looked good! She just liked to change it up.

And I'm realizing something.

I'm just like her.

Since 9th grade about 8 years ago, my body has changed a little, my face has changed a little, my clothes/style have changed a little, but my hair? It's changed ALOT...and often. I haven't changed my color (yet...I am noticing a LOT of grey though), but I, just like my mom, have had several different cuts. 

6th grade-short
(reminder:looking at the hair...not the rest)



7th grade-longer



8th grade-shortish

9th grade-longish

10th grade-shorter

11th grade-shorter

still 11th grade-even shorter

12th grade-super short...

That was through middle and high school years. Let's take a gander at college years...

I need a haircut...(2007)

Same day...After a much needed haircut



summer 2008- short short but easy to do



Spring 2009

Summer 2009...I thought my hair was so long...I got my hair cut 5 times that summer

Fall 2009

 Several times I decided to "grow my hair out"...but I always cut it off again. However, this last time I said I would grow my hair out, I was more determined than ever. I want to prove to all those friends that say "I'll believe it when I see it" that I WILL grow out my hair! :) That is said with the most lighthearted determination by the way...


This is December 2010...and almost as long as I've ever had it...

Why am I telling you all this, you ask? Well...I haven't had a haircut in almost 4 months. Last week, I found a piece of my hair that had split ends with split ends. NOT GOOD. So I have an appointment tomorrow with my hair doctor. In the past, when I've said that I'm growing out my hair and I go for a trim, I end up saying "Just do whatever. You can chop it off. I need something different." This time, however, I will remember that I want to grow it out.

Tomorrow I will post a before and after picture to show that I haven't gone short again...mostly just to hold myself accountable :)

I will not get my hair chopped off, I will not get my hair chopped off, I will not get my hair chopped off...

To DIY or not to DIY

I have quite a dilemma these days. What is it, you ask?

To DIY or not to DIY...that is the question.

For those of you who may not know, DIY is Do It Yourself. In the realm of weddings, there are so many creative ideas, tutorials, articles, and magazines devoted to those who enjoy DIYing (or DIT...Doing It Themselves). Being the craft lover that I am, I get sucked in. I want to DIY (or DIM...Do It Myself). But the question is how much is too much? How many things should I decided to DIY (DIM)?

I love craft projects, but I'm guilty of over committing myself to projects and hobbies. I think that I can do it all myself. I have a hard time using that handy tactic that I learned in 5th grade-"Just Say No". In attempting to plan a budget friendly wedding, it's ESPECIALLY hard to say "no" to the money saving crafts. Can't you see my dilemma?

There are several things I'm contemplating DIY...DIMing...Doing myself...whatever. Right now, invitations are on the top of my "maybe I should DIY (DIM)" list. We shall see.

So do I DIM? or do I let someone else DIT and pay them for it? Such a predicament.

Here was my latest DIY (DIM) project! It comes with a tutorial as well.

HOW TO MAKE SUPER FUN WEDDING SHOES:


You will need:

• 1 plain, boring, simple pair of pumps

• 1 brooch that you've had for 2 years

• lots of prayer that someone is selling the exact same brooch on ebay

First buy the plain shoes.

Find a brooch that fits perfectly.

Pray for and buy the matching brooch on eBay.

Voila! Super fun wedding shoes! 

 

 

 

 

 

 Pardon me while I prop up my feet...:)

Like Manna from Heaven...

I am often amazed at God's provision in my life. I have never been without something I didn't need, and often times without something I didn't want. I am overwhelmingly blessed by the family I've been given, my significant other, my wonderful friends, the opportunity to go to college and study music, the opportunity to go to a CHRISTIAN college, the experiences I've been able to have, etc. Lately I've been overwhelmed at the Lord's provision for wedding plans. Things are falling into place quickly and pretty easily (or it seems that way).

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about decisions and shoes. Since then, I found a truly awesome pair of shoes! Then I returned them. I know, kind of an anti-climactic story. It gets better, I promise.

I returned those awesome shoes to Dillard's and decided to look for some different truly awesome shoes. Wesley was actually with me, so I asked his opinion. Of course, he picked out the simplest shoes. Plain Jane. Boring. Cute and comfortable, but still not very interesting. I actually went ahead and got them...he's quite the persuasive one. I got them home and finally admitted to myself that I actually liked the simple more than the elaborate ones that I had first gotten. I still wanted something to spruce them up...some bling, some flowers, some something! I looked on etsy.com for shoe clips and found some interesting ones, but nothing that "struck my fancy" as my mother would say. I thought I was going to have to walk down the aisle with boring, plain ole blush/champagne colored shoes. Yes, I realize no one will actually see my shoes, but knowing that they're there will make me stand up straighter, I promise. Just go with me on this one.

So I was in my room last week writing a lesson plan. I looked down at my plain wedding shoes and thought "I need to find something to do with those." I looked for some type of jewelry that I could put up to my shoe just for a visual example. I saw a brooch on my dresser that I had gotten a couple years ago to wear with a dress for a recital I played in. I thought, "Hmm....that's pretty. Maybe I can find something like that. I'll try it to see what it looks like." ( Yes, I always think in complete sentences...) So I put it on my shoe. Then, something AMAZING happened.

It fit PERFECTLY. The shoes are peep toe and the narrowest part is 2 inches...the back of the brooch is 2 inches. It was meant to be!!

"But wait..." you say (as I did). "You only have one brooch, and you have two shoes." You are correct. It made me sad to realize this. I racked my brain to remember the brand of the brooch so I could look it up online. I remembered it was Liz Claiborne, and typed "Liz Claiborne rhinestone brooch" into Google. Lots of brooches. None of them were the ones I needed. I went to eBay expecting the worst, but hoping for the best.

I typed it in the search and scrolled down, and I saw a blurry picture of a rhinestone brooch! Could it be?! I clicked on it to get a closer look...my computer was taking forever! I grabbed my brooch and ran into the living room and pulled it up on Mom's computer. I held my brooch up next to the picture and got a second opinion. After discussion, we decided that YES!! It was the exact same brooch!! I had to order it! I bid on it...but then I had to wait 4 days until the auction was over. It was nerve racking....but fear not! Today, I am the proud owner of 2 brooches for my 2 wedding shoes. It should be coming in the mail the day after tomorrow!

It turns out she bought the brooch 2 years ago and it fell behind her dresser. She recently found it and didn't need it anymore. Thank you, Lord for allowing her to misplace that brooch!

So while brooches on shoes may seem like just another fun detail to the wedding, they are much more than that for me. When I put on those shoes on September 24th (8 months from yesterday), those brooches will be reminder that my God is Jehovah Jirah. He will provide. He provided something as small and seemingly insignificant as the brooches on my shoes. I know I can trust in Him for my future.

Matthew 6:25-34

25“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?^g 28And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

I'll post a picture when I get the other :)

I'll leave you with a blast from the past. This was March 2006. Before we were dating...ahh the memories...

Confessions of the Complexity of a Twenty-something Year Old

Thursday night before I went to bed, I saw on Facebook that Old Navy was having 40% off on their already reduced clearance stuff. I, being the "bargainista" that I am, had to check it out just to make sure I didn't miss out on anything amazing.

After school, I headed on over to Old Navy. I walked straight to the clearance items, picked up anything cute I saw in my size, and went to the dressing room. I tried on 3 pairs of jeans because I've gotten clearance jeans at ON for 8 dollars or less in the past. However, they hugged all the wrong places and were about 6 inches too long. I was actually relieved...I didn't need to buy jeans anyways!

I tried on 3 shirts, all of which fit and were around $4 a piece. They went into my "yes pile." I also tried on a skirt that was a strange color of purplish grey. I had decided not to get it because I didn't know what I'd wear with it, but then I reminded myself it was "only $5" (as Emily Bass and I always say). Thus, I changed my mind, put it in my "yes pile", and took it home to see if I had anything to wear with it.

The last thing I saw when I was making my final sweep around was a pair of capris for $7. They were regular length so I figured they'd be just right as straight jeans on me...why not try them? They were only $7!

I checked out and headed home. On my way home I had an epiphany. As you can tell by my previous posts about decisions, I'm an indecisive person. I'm a very careful decision maker. I consider all the possible outcomes and over-analyze the situation to death before I make a decision. EXCEPT when it comes to clothing. I'm an impulse buyer. I get chastised at Christmas time because if I see something I like, I just buy it for myself instead of telling someone I want it.  When you put impulse buyer with bargain shopper, it can be a dangerous combination. ESPECIALLY if something is "only $5!"

I also realized that while I'm a planner and feel better when Vera (my Vera Bradley planner) is by my side, I'm an intense procrastinator. My motto is "why do it today if you can do it tomorrow?" I work better under pressure anyways. Maybe it's that I always procrastinate so I force myself to work well under pressure...I don't know. Another realization was that while I like to be organized and clean, my room and car are terribly unorganized and messy. I like to call it organized chaos. I know where things are, but no one else can find it. Why am I so complicated?! I confuse myself.

I don't have any explanations or solutions to my complexity. The only thing I have is thankfulness to the Lord that he takes my complex mess of a life and understands all the complexities that even I don't understand about myself.

Back to my shopping spree. I got home and showed my dad all my deals...since he was dying to see them all, I know. (That's another complexity...even when I know the males in my family don't care about the clothes I get or the cute things I make, I show them anyways...) As I was pulling out my super awesome deals I noticed a couple things. 1) I got a shirt in XL when I meant to get it in M. 2) The capris I got were ACTUALLY skinny jeans. I have never in my life worn skinny jeans. Not only were they skinny jeans, but they have dark blue sequins all the way down the side...I'm not one for sequins, especially on my jeans. Especially if they're skinny jeans...If I'm wearing skinny jeans I don't want anything else on them that might add extra attention. I immediately put it in my "take back pile", along with the XL shirt and purplish grey skirt that I couldn't find anything to go with.

However, I had to model my clothes for my parentals, so I put on the jeans. At first, I almost threw up in my mouth. "No way, Jose." I said to myself. Then I put on a shirt I got for 3 dollars. The jeans grew on me with the longer shirt. I put some flats on to complete the look. I actually liked it. WHAT?!!? Sequined, skinny jeans?!?! Yeh, I still can't believe it myself. They're now in my "keep pile".

My, oh my. How complex I am.

Preparing to teach and planning to wed...

I made it through my first two days of student teaching this week! Of course, I didn't actually teach anything this week, but just having two days under my proverbial belt makes me feel better about this spring. I'll start teaching Kindergarten and 1st grade music classes in a couple weeks, and then build from there. After watching my cooperating teacher teach every grade over 2 days, I realized something about Kindergarten kiddos. They think EVERYTHING is funny. They tell you random facts. They raise their hand to tell you that their birthday is in July. I already have 2 Kindergarten kiddo stories after 2 days.

1) Upon the music teacher introducing me to the class as "Miss Lindsey" a girl raised her hand and said, "I had a dog named Lindsey once! But she died." The teacher responded, "You had a DOG named Lindsey?? That's a girl name!" The little girl said matter-of-factly, "Yeh, it was a GIRL dog!"

2) The second isn't quite as interesting, but it made me laugh. After the teacher explained why an unfamiliar girl (me) was sitting at her desk, the whole class stood up to look at me. They all waved with blank stares like they weren't so sure about whether I was going to be nice or not. Then one little boy, who was staring the most intently out of the whole class said, "I like your necklace", and immediately sat back down. I'm so glad that my fashion sense was confirmed by a 5 year old boy! :)

Another funny thing happened after a 3rd grade class in which the teacher had introduced me and given a small tidbit of my life. She told them where I went to college, that I am engaged, and that I am getting married this year. After class, two 3rd grade girls asked to look at my ring. I don't think I even knew what an engagement ring was in 3rd grade. Just kidding, but seriously I wouldn't have thought to ask to look at a ring in 3rd grade. I'm used to college girls and women asking to see my ring, but 3rd graders was a new experience. It was an experience that made me laugh, nonetheless.

It should be fun, but I just have to work on my comedy act for the Kindergarten classes to get them laughing...which shouldn't be too hard. Yesterday they thought a song about hippos in the snow was the most hilarious song ever written! Yet another reminder that the next 2 months will be fun and filled with stories!

Well wedding planning is in full swing. I still don't have any super awesome shoes, but it will come. It's funny to look back each week and see how much has been decided or changed in the wedding plans...even in a week. This week we set the date.

We are planning to get married September 24th.

I didn't want the date to get lost in the rest of the words. Mark your calendar, save the date, circle the number, etc. I'll let the blog world know if it changes, but I don't think it will now. Having a date makes it so much more real, and it gives us a goal to work towards and a specific time to look forward to. We're excited! :) I feel like it's all going to come together, and hopefully for a reasonable price. My goal is to be practical and simple, but still classy.

I came up with some themes the other day while I was cleaning my room. Prepare yourself. The awesomeness of the alliterations may have the potential to blow your mind. Just kidding, but I really like alliterations so I'm proud of my themes.

Neutral and Natural. Linen and Lace. I like the neutral and natural colors, and I think linen and lace add a southern charm of sorts. We'll see if I stick with these themes. Hopefully I will because if I don't, I'm not sure if I can come up with anymore alliterations...

Be inspired by this inspiration board by  Every Last Detail blog

Decisions, Decisions....

As of yesterday, I have been engaged for 5 weeks. Although I haven't made a huge dent in the to do list of planning the wedding, I have made a dent in my research. I have come to a conclusion. There are about 1239874234 decisions that have to be made between now and the time I get married. Such as...

What color do I want the bridesmaids to wear?

What shade of that color would look good?

What material of that shade would be good?

What flowers should there be?

What shade of those flowers would look best?

How many of each shade would be good?

How many pew markers should there be?

Will we have a singer?

Who will sing?

What will they sing?

At what point will they sing?

Where should we register?

What should we register for?

When should we register?

How many towels should we register for?

What color towels do we want?

How many lamps do we need in our house?

What color furniture should we get?

Oh...and where will we be living?

Geez Louise. Yes, I'm getting a little carried away...mostly for dramatic effect. But as I participated in a best friend's wedding a couple weeks ago, I realized something. There are a bajillion decisions that go into one day...3 hours really. Of course some of the decisions on registry and where we will live are life decisions... (no pressure), but the others effect 3 hours of our life. At the end of our wedding day, we'll be married. Whether we have cake and punch or a sit down meal, we'll still be married. Whether we have roses and peonies or wildflowers, we'll still be married. Whether my bridesmaids wear gold or chartreuse, we'll still be married...but probably short a few girl friends :) Basically, I've come to the conclusion that I want to take it all in stride, enjoy the wedding planning process, and most importantly-take it ONE DAY at a time. ONE DECISION at a time. 

Today, I made a decision about my shoes. I decided I want fun shoes. I don't know if I'll have colored ones, but I do want interesting ones. After all, pretty shoes make you feel pretty! In less, of course, they're uncomfortable, then they just make you irritated. So I guess I just made another decision... I want fun, semi comfortable shoes. Another decision! I'm on a roll. 

I've already begun my quest to find said shoes. I started with Ivory just for my conservative side's sake. In my search, I found these super awesome shoes!

While they are, as previously stated, super awesome, I've decided not to get them. At least not right now. I came to this conclusion for 2 reasons. 1) They're in Europe and I don't know my size in UK shoe sizes, 2) They're $70 and I can't justify buying them impulsively without trying them on knowing that I'll probably only wear them on my wedding day.

Either way, they're still some of my favorite shoes to look at. Excuse me....at which to look. (Thanks to my 6th grade English teacher, every time I end a sentence with a preposition, I get onto myself. )

Yet another decision made today. Whew, I think I might turn my decision making off for now and enjoy this New Years Day.

Happy 2011!...a year of many decisions and exciting times :)

Oh, the Future...

I have officially been engaged for 2 weeks...actually 17 days...and 8 hours...but who's counting?

Last week was my very last week of class in my college career...ever...hopefully...;) This week I have 1 exam on Tuesday, and then I'm free! Where did 4 years of my life go? In some ways it flew by, it some ways it crept along. But it is so surreal to think that I'm almost finished with college, I'm engaged and planning a wedding, and this time next year I will be married and not a dependent of my parents.

Some years we write Christmas letters that go out with our Christmas card, and the letter just tells what's gone on in our family's life throughout the year. Some years there is a lot of major life changes, and some years it seems like nothing happened. When reflecting on the past year, however, it is clear to see that it has been a major year in our family.

My brother graduated college AND got a big boy job. I worked in Orlando with him as my boss for 7 weeks this summer (that's a major thing :)...he was a good boss though). He also changed jobs this fall, and moved to ATL...he will officially never live permanently at our house again...WEIRD. My parents finished off the upstairs of our house that they've been working on for a while (and it looks great). I passed the Praxis, observed an obnoxious amount of hours, finished my senior recital, got engaged, and finished my last semester of classes in college...and that's only been in the past 3 and a half months.

So much has happened. The Lord has provided strength when there was none, peace when we were uncertain, and grace when we didn't deserve it. One of my favorite things to do is reflect and see God's provision and faithfulness throughout life's happenings. I'm already humbled by his provisions for our wedding, and I've only been engaged for 17 days...and 8 and a half hours.

I'm excited to see what is in store for 2011. Although, I know the general plan for me to student teach, look for a job, and get married, I know God has so much more in store than just those things. I know that God will use this time of uncertainty to teach me more than I could imagine, and I pray that my eyes and ears are open to Him as he shows me. There are so many questions of "How?" running through my mind as I reach my first year of being a "grown up". How will I make money? How will I cook when I can barely boil water? How will we find somewhere to live?

As I was at the church that Wesley's music group, Impact, was playing yesterday, I was thinking about all those things. I had just prayed that the Lord would help me to know he is in control, and they sang this song.

If you have a minute...or 6 minutes and 21 seconds...listen to it. It is a wonderful reminder of God's sovereignty and perfect plan.

 "Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"

even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day
for darkness is as light with you."
Psalm 139:7-12

First Engagement Festivities

After Wesley and I got engaged on Friday, our sweet friends John and Emily asked if they could throw us a party. How can you turn down a party?! Of course, we said yes. They invited our close friends, and it wasn't a surprise, but nobody mentioned anything to me about coming, so I wasn't expecting about 90% of the people that came. It made the non-surprising party a pleasant surprise. :)  The following are pics documenting the fun night of engagement party-ing...

The cute set up

the engaged girls...

Very different rings for different personalities

Sweet home and school friends

We're actually engaged at the same time! (for a few weeks :))

Reenactment of the proposal

At TCBY with J and E after we got back into town...very sleepy, but happy to be engaged :)

Thank you again for everyone who has made this time special for us! We're excited about what is to come.

My Black Friday Adventure

Black Friday.

A day for shoppers to get deals, retail store employees to get exhausted, for me to get engaged.

ENGAGED?!? Yes. Engaged! I'm getting married! When, you ask?! I don't know. But I'll let you know when I find out.

Would you like to know how it happened? Okay...here it goes.

On Thanksgiving Day, Wesley called me and said since we had to be at work 4, he'd come get me at 3:15. Let me just tell you, I'm very protective of my sleep. So when he said we could leave my house 45 MINUTES before we had to be there, I immediately disagreed. I believe my exact words (with caps making emphasis) were "it does NOT take 45 MINUTES to get to work!" So he settled for 3:30. I went to bed at 9:30ish, and slept soundly until 2:30 when I rolled out of bed to start preparing for the day. As I was putting my mascara on, he sent a text that read "Can you come let me in?!" I read it and thought "Well, he's perky for 3:30 AM", and then proceeded to go let him in. He came in the house, and while I finished getting ready, my parents woke up and came in the kitchen. (Sometimes if I'm making noise or the lights get turned on and I happen to wake my parents up, they come say hello before I leave, so it wasn't abnormal for them to have gotten up.) They wished me a good day, I told them to go back to sleep, I grabbed me and Wesley a couple cokes, and we headed out the door.

We walked out the back door into the 45ish degree weather and darkness, and I began to walk to the car. Wesley didn't move from the back steps, and asked me to come back to him. I just figured he wanted to hug me before a long day, so I went over to him and hugged him. He said "are you tired, Babe?" and I obliviously said "uh huh"...and he said "I might have something that will wake you up." Then he moved the jacket that had been draped over his arm the whole time he'd been at my house, and held up a ring box as he got on one knee. He asked me to marry him, and I, shocked, stunned, and so excited, said, "um, yes!"

We went back inside, where my mom had the camera ready to take some pictures...of course :)

Needless to say, my Black Friday working experience was not as dreadfully long as I'd expected it to be. The proposal was perfect and turned what normally would have been an ordinary day into a fun, memorable day. When we got back from work Friday night, we celebrated with both of our families at my house and had a great time. 

Oh the ring is perfect too...I love it. He did VERY WELL!

We're excited to be engaged, and start planning not only for a wedding, but for a marriage. The next few months will be filled of uncertain times, but I know they will all be adventures of faith. 

Thank you to everyone who has congratulated us, supported us, loved us, and prayed for us. We are SO blessed, and so thankful! 

Until next time, my friends...

May I have that pen? I have things to mark off my TO-DO list...

I love me some to-do lists. My Vera Bradley planner (affectionately referred to as "Vera") is very accustomed to my daily, weekly, and even long term to do lists. I make lists of all the projects I have to do, and then I make lists of the things I need to get done within those projects. Excessive? Maybe. But I'm graduating on time :)

One of the major things I marked off my to-do list this semester on September 18th was the Praxis. If you get out your reading glasses, or get really close to the computer then you can see that...

I PASSED!!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!! Marking that off of my "Things I need to do to graduate" to do list was a wonderful feeling. 

After the Praxis on my to do list came "Figure out observation stuff". In my blog about TB tests and Sonic Blasts I mentioned that I had to do 205 hours of observation. At that point I had 35 hours listed in my file. Now I am happy to say that I will have 330 observation hours when I finish in December! Where did they come from, you ask? Well independent hours can come from any time you work with children...including babysitting, children's choir, camps, VBS, etc. I had 41.5 of those hours, and since I worked at a student conference for 7 weeks over the summer, I put 200 of my hours from that down. I've also been observing on Wednesdays and other days that classes get cancelled. I'm almost there!

The next big thing on my to-do list was my Senior Piano Recital. Want to see the awesome poster my brother made?

Didn't he do great? I agree :) My recital was this past Friday. This is the thing that has seemed untouchable for 4 years. I felt like I'd never get there. But it came WAY faster than I thought it would. As I've prepared for it and thought about it over the past several months, the thought has always made me a little queasy. I'm done, and it still makes me queasy to think about! 50 minutes, on stage by myself, in a formal dress when I'm used to practicing in shorts and a sweatshirt, playing everything from memory while people watch me? That's still nerve racking. But somehow, I WASN'T NERVOUS that day! Yes, I was very happy to get it over with. However, I wasn't miserably anxious like I thought I'd be. I say somehow, but I know how. Not only did it put me at easy having my family there and hanging out with them, but I know that the prayers that were prayed on my behalf helped the most.

This week I had several lasts:

-last paper in college

-last time to play piano at the University of Mobile

-last time to sing in the University Singers

-last Christmas Spectacular performance

-last time to wear a velvet top choir dress (hopefully)

From here, I have write a lesson plan, do a group project, take finals, and participate in wedding festivities for one of my best friends. Not much left!

It's so crazy to me that I'm almost done with classes in college. Although part of me feels like it can't come soon enough, the other part of me feels like I just moved in yesterday. I do know one thing though. I would not be where I am today without the support and encouragement from family and friends the past few months. When I thought about the fall semester in the summer, I felt overwhelmed. I knew it'd be a hard, long, and stressful journey. However, I have enjoyed the journey, and I know that I did not go on the journey alone. Thank you to all of you who prayed, supported, and encouraged me the past few months as I crossed over major hurdles in my life. 

Well, maybe I'll blog again soon...I marked something else off my TO DO list recently that is very exciting :)

George W. and Scuffed Shoes

This post is a week late, but better late than never! Last Thursday, I got the opportunity to attend the University of Mobile's Leadership Banquet. The set-up was beautiful, and the turn out was great. It was all wonderful...especially the speaker.

George W. Bush.

I'm officially a big fan. I already was, but this up-ed his stats in my heart. He was funny, entertaining, down to earth, and all other good things. I did not get to meet him...He ate at the table front and center, and I ate at the table FAR back and WAY to the left. I was in the same room with him, however, so that's good enough for me. Although I did not get to meet him, I was able to get close to his table...

Yes...my hand was on his place setting. Here's a closeup...

Yes it kind of looks like George W. Blush, but I promise it's Bush. 

Anyhow, picking out my outfit for my first experience of being in the room with a former president was quite a dilemma. First, I had to pick out my outfit several days in advance. For anyone who knows me well, you know I had a hard time with that. I firmly believe that it is my "prerogative" to change my mind...at least that's what I'm told. I picked out my outfit at school, and then realized my closed toed black pumps were at home....dun dun duuun. Fortunately, I went home for Sony Star class last Tuesday, so I was able to get them then. However, there were a lot more beat up than I remembered...(Mom, have you been using and abusing my pumps?!) 

See, I've had these pumps since my senior year of high school. I got them for Homecoming...let's reminisce, shall we? :)

 Notice the shine of my shoes...oooh...ahhh...shiny...

You can't see my shoes here, but I just like this picture with my Daddio.

Back to the shoes...

As you can see they're pretty scuffed up...

What's a girl to do?! 10:45 PM the night before the banquet...no shoe polish...no time the next day to buy any...quite the dilemma...

Naturally I did what any girl would do in such a situation...I got out my black Sharpie.

Yes...I colored in my black pumps. I had to do something! I was going to be in the same room with George W!

Before

After

 Granted, they do have a purple/bluish tint where the sharpie was, when you're standing up, no one can tell...

Good as new!

Now, in my family we like to make fun of each other because we pick the most random times to do things. For instance, changing the pictures in picture frames 5 minutes before we're supposed to leave for Wesley's college graduation. I, however, did not pick a random time to fix my shoes. I chose a time when I should have been doing something else. Something important. Something that was due at 12 that night. Something called homework.

I began my homework at 11:25, thinking it would only take me 10 minutes based on past experience with that class...WRONG! A friend came in at 11:48 and started talking to me, and I never looked up from the computer or quit typing. So I finally finished at 11:52...with time to spare!

I've been told I'm like a vegetable cooker...I work better under pressure...:) Ironically enough, I'm now off to do a project that I've been putting off for 3 days...I'm going to plan a music field trip...oh the fun projects of a Music Ed major!

TGIFB...Thank God it's Fall Break. (almost...)

It is almost fall break, which means the semester is half way over, which means I only have 8(ish) weeks left of class in my college career (hopefully), which means I am very happy! Time has definitely flown the last couple months. I hadn't been home all semester until yesterday.

I went home to speak at the Sony Star Class dinner. For those who do not know what that is, please allow me to explain. Sony was my high school's Adopt a School sponsor. We were 1 of 2 schools in the USA who had "Sony Star Class"- a scholarship program in which students turn in portfolios of community, church, and school activities as documentation of what they have done. Sophomores turn in portfolios and they typically choose 12 of those as finalists. Those finalists turn in another portfolio near the end of their senior year, as well as go through an interview process. After that, one student is chosen for the "Sony Star Class scholarship." I happened to be that student in 2007 (and I am able to type this because of the Sony laptop that came with the scholarship!) So last night I went to the dinner and just gave the class of 2012 some advice and encouragement.

Not only was I glad to go see people I hadn't seen since I graduated, but I was also just glad to go home. School isn't hard right now, but it is at times slightly overwhelmingly busy. Vera (my Vera Bradley planner) helps me out, but it was a good treat to go home. PLUS, my brother was home, which is always a rare treat. He actually attended the dinner with me and my mom. Something happened when we walked in that has never happened before. Wesley was "Lindsey's brother"...nobody knew who he was! Everybody knew who I was!? If you know both of us well, you know that our personalities are different. As the younger, I have always accepted the fact that I'm "Wesley's sister". (If he was a terrible person, I'd have a problem claiming it, but for now I'll claim it) 


Not only was he known as "Lindsey's brother"- His nametag read:

HA...I'm saving this forever.


On a different note...while driving to Dothan yesterday, my gas light  came on. Typically I have about 30 miles before I run out, so I figured I'd just wait til I was on my way back to Mobile to fill up. This morning when I filled up, I put 13.5 gallons in my car...that may not seem like alot, but my tank averages about 11.7-12.3....13.5?!?!...I was so shocked that I got out the owner's manual at a red light to see how big my tank was. FYI: it holds 14.1 gallons. I was .6 gallons away from being stranded. Using my mathematical part of my brain, along with much thinking time between Dothan and Mobile, I figured out if I had driven for about 5 more minutes, my car would have died. Thank you, Lord, for strategically placed gas stations.

TB tests and Sonic Blasts

Today I went to see the Associate Dean in the School of Education to discuss student teaching. We went over my file (sounds very official, doesn't it...) and discussed what I have left to do before student teaching. Here's what I found out...

I'm a planner, yet a procrastinator. I know what I have to do, I just choose not to do it until later.

We're required to do 205 hours of observation for Music Ed. According to my file, I currently have 35 hours. Awesome. If you do the math, you see that leaves....yes, 170 hours before December. Needless to say, most of my free blocks from Monday to Friday 8-3, I will be at a school. I figured out if I observe every Wednesday, and the mornings every other day of the week, I can have all my observations done the week before Thanksgiving! Good news-I get my observation hours. Bad news- I don't get to sleep in until Thanksgiving. But worse things could happen :)

I also found out I had to have a TB test. Actually I already KNEW I had to have one, I just hate shots, blood, and all other things related with medical things. So I put it off for 3 weeks, and today was my TB test day. It was awful. Worst experience ever. Just kidding, I hardly felt it. Afterward, my awesome significant other insisted on taking me to Sonic after the intensely traumatic medical procedure I had done-I think it's mostly because he wanted some tea...but I didn't question the motives, I just went with it and got a Sonic Blast out of the deal :)

Other than those 2 things, I didn't find out anything interesting. I'm on schedule to graduate...if the Praxis was nice to me...and now I just have to stop procrastinating and get on the ball.

Realization: Making a PLAN to be productive...WAY easier than actually being productive.

Observations here I come.

PS. I thinking about being domestic soon...I think this VERY cute apron from etsy.com would help me do so.
Just throwing that out there.

This is the day, this is the day...

This is my last semester...hopefully. I keep going over the things that I have to do before Student Teaching, and when I think about it all, my shoulders raise, my face tenses, my air flow cuts off, I turn blue... just kidding. My shoulders don't raise.  :)

Anyway, I have to remember to just take it one day at a time. This is the day that the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it...even if I have to do 23409847 things before I can graduate in May. I'm not really THAT stressed out...today anyway. But that's probably because I have had a very productive day thus far. I don't have classes on Wednesdays. (Later in the semester I'll have to observe, but for now I'm enjoying my day off in the middle of the week.) I walked about 3 miles this morning with a dear friend, and not only got some nice physical activity, but also fit some quality talking time in there...it was a great start to the day. Then I did some things and got ready to go to lunch, when low and behold, my significant other asked if I wanted to ditch the caf today and go to Momma G's! What kind of question is that?! It's $1 Nacho day...OF COURSE I want to go to Momma G's. I had a nice lunch, and although he raised my blood pressure because he made me 3 minutes late to piano lessons (and he was talking about gross medical procedures just to watch me gag), I had quite an enjoyable lunch with that Wells boy (as my dad calls him).

Piano lessons were...well, we won't go there today. Let's just say I have 4 weeks to perfect 10 songs by memory. Moving on....After piano, I went by the mail room to pick up packages. I got 2 packages and thought both were books, but one was a packet of flashcards for the Praxis! Now, I was expecting them (since I ordered them), but I read reviews right after I bought them and saw that they had terrible reviews. HOWEVER, after looking through them, I realized the "reviewers" were probably just bitter because they did not use the flashcards to their full potential and probably failed. These flashcards are awesome! Is it weird that I'm really excited to study my Praxis flashcards? It's okay if it is weird. I think I'm excited because I'm a little more confident in my ability to pass it since I have some help. Plus I learn better with flashcards, I just HATE making them. So I'm thinking that money with be well worth it.

I think it's easy to rejoice and be glad in days like today...when I have no school and have time to blog in the middle of the day.  It's days like yesterday when I have to remind myself to breathe that I struggle with rejoicing. The thing is- I do not necessarily have more on my plate than I can handle, but I have more on my plate than I can handle if I don't keep my focus on my purpose. It's the difference in focusing on the whats instead of the whys. If I get caught up in the "whats" by looking at "what I have to do" and marking it off my list, then I've completely lost the point of life. If I strive to remember why I'm doing something, I'm ultimately remembering the bigger picture-which is about more than just me.  I think it's important to prioritize tasks, but I also know it's beneficial to keep the goal in mind. Sometimes the tasks can fog the goal, and that's why I get short of breath when I look at my planner. Student Teaching will be worth it, my senior recital will be worth it (especially when I hit the very last note of the last piece), school will have been worth it in May. Marriage will be worth all the dating and waiting, whether I get married on my timeline or not. Every good thing is worth the work and wait. There are lessons to be learned everyday, and EVERYDAY is a day that the Lord has made and I am to REJOICE (not just endure) and be GLAD in it. Now if I can just remember that, I'll be good to go. :)

Today has been full of rejoicing. My latest smile came from my Papa as I typed this...He called, I answered, and my 78 year old Papa said "What's up?!" Thank you Lord for smiles in the midst of days when I take day to day tasks too seriously.

P.S. Here are some pieces I made before I came to school. I'm hoping Mom will send some supplies by way of a friend that's going home this weekend...I need something for stress relief...I mean, to help me rejoice :)

made from my grandmother's necklace

silver brooch made from a vintage clip of earring of my grandma's

Made with 3mm glass pearls and vintage green brooch