What if?

This blog may not make sense to anyone but me...but that's okay! Confusion and complexity is part of life.

Sometimes when I'm bored, or doing something that doesn't require much brain activity, I do some heavy duty thinking. Usually my thinking leads to "what ifs". Like what if I'd done this different, or what if I had said what I really thought in that situation. It makes me wonder what life would be like...what I would be like. Would I be happier? would I be less stressed? would I be more stressed? What kind of person might I be?

And usually after the what ifs I start seriously analyzing past experiences. I have a crazy memory, so I remember small details more than I do the obvious ones. I tend to remember moods, demeanors, and facial expressions more than I remember the words that were said. strange, huh? anywho...after much analyzing and thinking, it's like a light bulb comes on. Most of the things that I didn't understand at that time become clear. There's clarity and understanding.

THEN after that part of my thinking process, there is a fork in the road. Depending on the situation, my train of thought could go 2 ways. 1) I could look back on my past experience, smile at the good and happy times, learn from the hard and bad times, and move on with life. OR 2) Look back and think....what in the world was I thinking? I was so stupid, how did I not see that? How naive could I get??? What did I miss out on b/c I made that decision???........If I pick choice 2, I go right back to the beginning at the what ifs...it's a never ending cycle that leads to anxiety, stress, and possible depression. Why do I do this to myself? Who knows.

The only solution to this problem is found in Romans 8:28.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for Him."
Basically, God has a purpose and plan for my life. It doesn't matter how bad or hard things get for me, or how ignorant and stupid I am. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. At the time it may not be obvious, and that might confuse us measly little humans. BUT our GREAT BIG GOD knows exactly what's happening, how it's happening, and why it's happening. He also knows what's going to happen. So why should we confuse ourselves by asking what if and wondering if our lives are going to turn out right? It just causes gray hair, fear, and worry. If we love God and live for Him, we have nothing to worry about. He'll take care of us, and watch out for us. Now if I can just remember to not wonder what if...