TB tests and Sonic Blasts

Today I went to see the Associate Dean in the School of Education to discuss student teaching. We went over my file (sounds very official, doesn't it...) and discussed what I have left to do before student teaching. Here's what I found out...

I'm a planner, yet a procrastinator. I know what I have to do, I just choose not to do it until later.

We're required to do 205 hours of observation for Music Ed. According to my file, I currently have 35 hours. Awesome. If you do the math, you see that leaves....yes, 170 hours before December. Needless to say, most of my free blocks from Monday to Friday 8-3, I will be at a school. I figured out if I observe every Wednesday, and the mornings every other day of the week, I can have all my observations done the week before Thanksgiving! Good news-I get my observation hours. Bad news- I don't get to sleep in until Thanksgiving. But worse things could happen :)

I also found out I had to have a TB test. Actually I already KNEW I had to have one, I just hate shots, blood, and all other things related with medical things. So I put it off for 3 weeks, and today was my TB test day. It was awful. Worst experience ever. Just kidding, I hardly felt it. Afterward, my awesome significant other insisted on taking me to Sonic after the intensely traumatic medical procedure I had done-I think it's mostly because he wanted some tea...but I didn't question the motives, I just went with it and got a Sonic Blast out of the deal :)

Other than those 2 things, I didn't find out anything interesting. I'm on schedule to graduate...if the Praxis was nice to me...and now I just have to stop procrastinating and get on the ball.

Realization: Making a PLAN to be productive...WAY easier than actually being productive.

Observations here I come.

PS. I thinking about being domestic soon...I think this VERY cute apron from etsy.com would help me do so.
Just throwing that out there.

This is the day, this is the day...

This is my last semester...hopefully. I keep going over the things that I have to do before Student Teaching, and when I think about it all, my shoulders raise, my face tenses, my air flow cuts off, I turn blue... just kidding. My shoulders don't raise.  :)

Anyway, I have to remember to just take it one day at a time. This is the day that the Lord has made and I WILL rejoice and be glad in it...even if I have to do 23409847 things before I can graduate in May. I'm not really THAT stressed out...today anyway. But that's probably because I have had a very productive day thus far. I don't have classes on Wednesdays. (Later in the semester I'll have to observe, but for now I'm enjoying my day off in the middle of the week.) I walked about 3 miles this morning with a dear friend, and not only got some nice physical activity, but also fit some quality talking time in there...it was a great start to the day. Then I did some things and got ready to go to lunch, when low and behold, my significant other asked if I wanted to ditch the caf today and go to Momma G's! What kind of question is that?! It's $1 Nacho day...OF COURSE I want to go to Momma G's. I had a nice lunch, and although he raised my blood pressure because he made me 3 minutes late to piano lessons (and he was talking about gross medical procedures just to watch me gag), I had quite an enjoyable lunch with that Wells boy (as my dad calls him).

Piano lessons were...well, we won't go there today. Let's just say I have 4 weeks to perfect 10 songs by memory. Moving on....After piano, I went by the mail room to pick up packages. I got 2 packages and thought both were books, but one was a packet of flashcards for the Praxis! Now, I was expecting them (since I ordered them), but I read reviews right after I bought them and saw that they had terrible reviews. HOWEVER, after looking through them, I realized the "reviewers" were probably just bitter because they did not use the flashcards to their full potential and probably failed. These flashcards are awesome! Is it weird that I'm really excited to study my Praxis flashcards? It's okay if it is weird. I think I'm excited because I'm a little more confident in my ability to pass it since I have some help. Plus I learn better with flashcards, I just HATE making them. So I'm thinking that money with be well worth it.

I think it's easy to rejoice and be glad in days like today...when I have no school and have time to blog in the middle of the day.  It's days like yesterday when I have to remind myself to breathe that I struggle with rejoicing. The thing is- I do not necessarily have more on my plate than I can handle, but I have more on my plate than I can handle if I don't keep my focus on my purpose. It's the difference in focusing on the whats instead of the whys. If I get caught up in the "whats" by looking at "what I have to do" and marking it off my list, then I've completely lost the point of life. If I strive to remember why I'm doing something, I'm ultimately remembering the bigger picture-which is about more than just me.  I think it's important to prioritize tasks, but I also know it's beneficial to keep the goal in mind. Sometimes the tasks can fog the goal, and that's why I get short of breath when I look at my planner. Student Teaching will be worth it, my senior recital will be worth it (especially when I hit the very last note of the last piece), school will have been worth it in May. Marriage will be worth all the dating and waiting, whether I get married on my timeline or not. Every good thing is worth the work and wait. There are lessons to be learned everyday, and EVERYDAY is a day that the Lord has made and I am to REJOICE (not just endure) and be GLAD in it. Now if I can just remember that, I'll be good to go. :)

Today has been full of rejoicing. My latest smile came from my Papa as I typed this...He called, I answered, and my 78 year old Papa said "What's up?!" Thank you Lord for smiles in the midst of days when I take day to day tasks too seriously.

P.S. Here are some pieces I made before I came to school. I'm hoping Mom will send some supplies by way of a friend that's going home this weekend...I need something for stress relief...I mean, to help me rejoice :)

made from my grandmother's necklace

silver brooch made from a vintage clip of earring of my grandma's

Made with 3mm glass pearls and vintage green brooch

Another year...another blog post.

Another year has passed. Time for another post...and this time the plan is to be consistent. We'll see how that goes!

As of last Monday, I am a senior in college. Whereas some people have the hardest semesters academically at the end of their college career, I do not. It's not necessarily "easy", but after 6 semesters of taking 18 and 19 hours each semester, I have a huge 15 hours. I have Wednesdays completely OPEN. I didn't know what to do with myself last week when I looked at a weekly schedule and saw a lot of open space...then I remembered I have a senior piano recital (Oct . 29th), 2 big exams to study for before student teaching, and 17 days of observation. I might also be working 10 hours a week in an office at school. Needless to say, my "open" schedule became "closed" quickly, but I know I'll survive.

This summer I worked at a student conference for 7 weeks where Compassion International was a sponsor. There was a promo video played every week, and every week I had tears in my eyes after the video. It was so moving, and so burdening at the same time. The 3 minute video really opened my eyes, and the packets and packets of children that need sponsors made my heart ache. Then I asked myself, "But what can I do?" The first couple weeks, I just dismissed it as me being overly emotional. But around week 3, it really hit me that it wasn't just emotion. It was a burden from the Holy Spirit.

A sponsorship is $38 a month. It doesn't sound like much, but when you don't have an income, it is alot. But the video they showed weekly was made for students. Students that don't have jobs, or a steady income. The video showed 3 adults who shared their childhood troubles, but gave testimonies of the teenagers who sponsored them and gave them hope of Christ when they had no hope and no one to show them love. I was overwhelmed by the fact that I wanted to help, but didn't know how. Then it hit me.

Right before I left for the summer, my mom and I went to a jewelry making class. We learned some of the basics and got some good ideas for designs. When I got home that day, I started looking through my grandmother's old jewelry to see what I could take apart and make into something new (mostly because I didn't want to spend money on beads). I took apart some things and began to experiment, and soon I realized I had a new hobby.

Repurposed necklace

So when I was thinking about what I could do to get some money, I thought of the jewelry I had made. Not only did I enjoy making it, but I could use that "talent" or hobby to make a difference for the kingdom. So when I came home after SLU, I began brainstorming, creating, investing, etc. I'm still praying about and figuring out the details, but it's coming together. I may not be able to do anything with it for a few months since I have to graduate and finish all the things that comes before that, but it is exciting to think about.

It's not just that I like making "pretty stuff". I think there's something beautiful about taking apart something that's not so pretty and making it new. It's like what the Lord does to us when we become a new creation.

3rd times the charm...

I'm not really sure if it's supposed to be 3rd times the charm, a charm, or just plain charm, but either way we all know what I meant. It has been about a year and a half since I've actually blogged about anything, but my dear friend Jenna encouraged me to procrastinate from packing for going back to school and write something. So if for nothing else, this is for Jenna-Bug.

So my journey of the 3rd year of my college career will begin this weekend. 3rd year at Mobile, 3rd year on the 3rd Hall. That's a lot of 3's. And I'm living in 303...even more 3's! Anyway, school. Yes. The question everyone asks before school starts..."Are you ready to go back?!" My honest answer...I don't know. I'm ready to be done with my Summer classes...word to the wise...never take a science class online. I'm ready to have a routine again. But ready for classes...mmm...not so much. I'm ready to see my friends, and ready to have some fun adventures with them, but I've seen this summer what I do have at home.

FRIENDS...I've seen too many times when friends move away from each other they automatically drift apart, but somehow my friends from home have only gotten closer as time has moved on. The more we all mature and grow, the more our friendships have grown as well. I think it's because we started out as a Bible Study group so as we grew in Christ together we grew closer together as well. And don't worry Jenna...we won't grow up and leave you =).

FAMILY...Anyone who has been at my house for an extended period of time knows that my family is close. As Wesley and I have gotten older, we've become friends. (but don't tell him I admit that...=) just kidding) I've not only become friends with my brother though, I have become friends with my parents as well. I've realized that there is a very special, and unique relationship between both a daughter and a mother and a daughter and a father. Or at least this daughter. I am blessed beyond description to have grown up in this family and I wouldn't trade it for anything. One of my very favorite things is spending time with my family, and I'm not talking about the family time when all 4 of us are in the same room on 4 laptops...that, my friends, is not family time. But it does make life interesting when we're all in the same room, facebook chatting to each other, and commenting on the same person's status at the same time...welcome to my family.

I had the privilege of working as a cashier at Eagle Eye Outfitters for the summer. I learned a whole lot from working there. For example, when standing on your feet for 10 hours, wear comfortable and supportive shoes. I bought 5 pairs of shoes while working at Eagle Eye. Also, I learned to say Credit or Debit, and Can I see your ID? But other than that I learned that you don't have to work a camp to minister during the summer. Opportunities to show Christ or be a Christian example come up everyday, but the issue is whether or not those opportunities are taken. At Eagle Eye, the customer is to be treated as family. Some people get annoyed when they get asked 5 times by 5 different people, "How ya doing? Is there anything we can help you with today?", but the point is to serve the customer. Working as a cashier also gave me a new perspective of people at other stores, and taught me to be a good, friendly, and appreciative customer. I think all in all this summer has made me more outgoing, which is definitely good for me. I also worked Wired this year, and had an amazing group. It was busy, and somewhat draining, but at the end of the week it was very rewarding. Praise be to God!

So what will be different about this year? hmm...well that's a good question. First, I'm kind of adopting my father's motto of "one life to love." I want to seize the day when opportunities come to love someone or offer them encouragement. Also, I want to be adventurous...not stupid, but kind of adventurous. I'm planning to start next weekend when I go camping with some friends. (If it doesn't rain...)Yes, camping...don't worry I'll take pictures. I'm kind of nervous, but I'm pumped! at least right now...the closer I get, the more I'll probably rethink this excursion.
I'm not planning on having a job this semester(at least not right now), so hopefully I will have the opportunity to do other things. I have a feeling I may not know what to do with my free time, but I will try to force myself to do something like practice piano since my major is Music Ed with piano. And I also want to do a better job of taking care of myself- eating better, sleeping more, exercising regularly, breathing deeper, etc. We'll see how that goes. Maybe I'll blog about it. I won't make any promises though.

So that pretty much sums it up for this summer. I promise I'll try to blog more, Jenna. I think you're the only one that reads it. =) But you're enough for me. Well Jesus is enough, but you know what I mean.

I'm off to bed to rest up for year 3. And so it begins...

shopping trip observation

Saturday my mom and I went shopping in Dothan. She was looking for a gold candle ring that she just had to have...(it's a need, right up there with food and water.) Anyways, so we looked at Pier 1, and we had no luck. She said it was either at Michaels, Stein Mart, Kohls, or Inside Accents.

Let me remind you that it is a Saturday afternoon...about 2 and a half weeks before Christmas....in the busiest part of Dothan. Oh, and for those who don't know, I love shopping. and for those who can't tell, that statement is dripping with sarcasm. I definitely have to be in the mood to shop, and I just wasn't really in the mood to look at 4 stores for Christmas decorations, especially when we don't need any! I mean, come to my house, it's basically a winter wonderland without real snow.

However, my mother did not seem to care about my opinion. So we left Pier 1, and started off to the next store. Then my mom remembered that she needed to buy my 2 year old cousin a baby doll, so we made a quick turn and pulled into toys r us. I honestly haven't been there in years. We went in and finally found a Cabbage Patch kid that was the same hue as my cousin and didn't have the name Alfondina Alsya (that really was the name of a light hair, blue eyed white baby). So we bought the doll named Sharon Naomi, and left the store. When we got in the car and pulled out of the parking lot, I shared an observation with my mom.

See in toys r us, we saw a lot of parents. I especially saw a lot of moms. Then when we were leaving, I saw 3 SUVs with women driving them. They all were alone, and all looked like they were on a mission. My observation/ question that I shared with my mom was I wonder how many of those women are shopping for their kids who believe in Santa Claus and expect to get those presents on Christmas day. and how many of those moms feel unappreciated and lonely as they buy for their kids and probably don't get much thanks. I know that the joy on the child's face on Christmas will bring the parents joy, but still. Then my mom said, "they probably feel lonely as they shop and then they'll get home today and have to clean up the house, cook dinner, and do laundry. See what you have to look forward to?!"

Now don't think my mom is trying to make me not want to have kids, or make me feel like my brother and I were burdens as children. And we all know that Wesley and I were appreciative children because I found out about Santa from my sweet big brother when I was the young age of 5. (but I'm not bitter). I think she was saying you can't give and expect anything in return. Whether independent, professional women like to admit it or not, the role of women in the household has been and probably always will be the keeper of the house. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. And I'm sure many women get lonely as they do their motherly duties. I don't know what goes on because I'm not a mother, but I hope I will be one day. I'll just have to remember Hebrews 13:5 when we're reminded of God's love, and he promises never to fail us or abandon us. Don't know about you but that gives me the warm fuzzies.

By the way, we did find that candle thing...and it goes so well with the other festive decorations...

So today has been a great day! and it's only 10 35! See I got in bed at 10 15 last night, which is a record for me for sure. I slept until 8 30, took a shower, got ready, and was about to walk out the door when I decided I didn't want to go to class. It's theory lab, I don't think I'll miss too much. If I do oh well, I got a chance to chill a little today. I've just been reading, studying, writing, blogging, etc. It's pretty awesome. But don't worry, I won't make a habit out of it.

I'm pretty excited about this Friday! See, I haven't seen my best friend Caitlin Marie Shepherd since before school started, and I'm having serious withdraws! I'm supposed to meet her at the fair on Friday and I can not wait! I love her and miss her very much... =( We've been best buds since like 3rd grade and we've never had a fight. I know I can depend on to be there for me when I need somebody to talk to, or if I ever need anything at all. She's a ray of sunshine and I love being around her. She's not afraid to tell me what she thinks about anything, and I absolutely love that. Her opinion is very important to me, especially on the subject of guys. =) luckily she likes Wesley Wells! Anywho, I just can't wait to see her!! I couldn't ask for a better Bee Eff Eff.

So as a started this week yesterday, I thought it was going to be a stinkin' drag. But God has definitely shown me that I need to trust Him and that deciding how I think my week is going to turn out within the first few hours of that week is stupid. He knows all, and I know nothing. HE's basically amazing, and He has blessed me beyond comprehension. The week is only as bad as I let it be, or imagine it to be!

Have a blessed day!

a rose by any other name

Last Friday was October 19, 2007. aka...mine and Wesley's four monther. =) precious, I know. Well we planned to leave when I got off work at 4 30, grab some food, and head to the beach just to chill ( I don't do much of that). Anyways, I got in my room from a long afternoon of answering phones and saying "Enrollment Services. How may I direct your call?", and talked to Ashley for a second. Then I looked over and low and behold...I had roses on my desk! That sweet Wesley...so thoughtful. I don't think I could have asked for a better one! The roses were so pretty and full of color. They're just appealing to the eyes. I really did appreciate his sweetness.

Well yesterday, I woke up and they were all wilted...=( sad day...(they stunk too). But I had heard before if you spray hairspray on them and hang them upside down that they will keep the color and last a really long time. So I poured out the water, pulled off the excess leaves, and saved the prettiest ones. One thing that I noticed that makes the beautiful roses somewhat of an eye sore (and finger sore) is the thorns. I just don't get what the purpose is. But oh well. I'm still waiting on the results of the hairspray experiment...

So back to the thorn thing. In Christian Worldview today, Dr. Rob said that if he was Adam, the would bring Eve the prettiest roses everyday, afterall they wouldn't have thorns on them. The class was confused and he said "Don't you remember? Thorns didn't come until after the Fall."
Genesis 3:17-18 says...

"And to the man he said

'Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It will grown thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains.'"

So because of the sin of Adam and Eve, the earth has thorns. Adam and Eve represent all of the human race so basically because of our sinfulness, thorns have cursed the earth. The thorns represent our sin. And where else do we see thorns in the Bible, boys and girls? That's right...
When Jesus was being mocked before he was crucified. The Romans put a crown of thorns on His head to mock His claim of being the King of the Jews.

Matthew 27:29 says...

"They wove thorn branches into a crown and put it on his head..."

I mean, I pricked my finger with a thorn and it hurt, but on the head?? and I seriously doubt those Roman soldiers were kind hearted and gently placed it on Jesus' head. It makes me cringe just thinking about the pain.

Anyways, let me try to piece together the puzzle I have created so that you can experience the realization I had today in class. If the thorns represent the Sin we have as humans, and Jesus was crowned with thorns, it's like a literal illustration of Jesus taking on our sins and bearing them for us. It shows how our sins caused Jesus so much pain. Now obviously, just believing that Christ was crowned with thorns isn't the way to salvation. It's believing and confessing that he DIED a HORRIBLY PAINFUL death, and rose 3 days later to tell about it, and to tell his followers to tell about it. (it being God's amazing and truly awesome power and love) It was just a cool connection for me.

Everytime I see a rainbow, I thank God for pretty colors, rain, and His promise not the flood the earth ever again. From now on, every time I see a rose, I will thank God for His simple, yet beautiful creation, His mercy on me, and the sending of His Son to bear my sins in pain. Thank you God! (and I don't think I'll ever complain about being pricked by thorns ever again...)

Busy, busy, busy....I feel like that's all I know anymore. When I have spare time, I know there's something I should be doing. It's so hard for me to just chill, and not worry about something. Like today for instance...I'll have an hour this afternoon to do something, but other than that I'm busy the whole day. I have a paper to write, a book to read, and a God to spend time with. Finding time for those things can be hard at times. It should be easy to spend time with God, but unfortunately I end up thinking about what I need to do the rest of the day. I just need to sit...in silence...and focus on Him.

How often do I sit in silence? I can tell you. Unless I'm up at midnight studyining and my roommates asleep, I dont sit in silence. Why? That's a darn good question. But I think it's in the silence that God reveals to us what He wants to show us. When I stop worrying, thinking, and trying to solve the world's problems, that's when I can humble myself, listen to Him, and soften my heart to let His word sink in. It's not easy for this busy girl who has too much to do, but that's what makes it all the more worthwhile. When I can set time aside and spend time with my Lord, I find strength in Him to face the day. Isaiah 40:30-31 says it all...

"Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.
THey will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and nont grow weary.
They will walk and not faint. "

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start

But it's now that I feel
Your grace fall like rain
From every finger tip, washing away my pain

Cause I still believe in Your faithfulness
Cause I still believe in Your truth
Cause I still believe in Your Holy Word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart You seem to prepare

But it's now that I feel
Your grace fall like rain
From every finger tip, washing away my pain

Well, the only place I can go is into Your arms
Where I throw to You my feeble prayers
Well, in brokenness I can see that this was Your will for me
Help me to know that You are near


Still Believe-Jeremy Camp

We don't always understand what God's doing in our lives. Sometimes we feel that the whole world around us is crashing down. It may feel like we're alone in the world, but He hasn't left us. He never will. When we go through those times of trials and hardships, God is preparing our hearts for something great, something that we probably won't see in our time of pain or brokenness. But it will become clear in God's timing. So cling to God, cry out to Him, trust Him and seek His will wholeheartedly. It might be hard, but it takes faith.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3:5-6

What if?

This blog may not make sense to anyone but me...but that's okay! Confusion and complexity is part of life.

Sometimes when I'm bored, or doing something that doesn't require much brain activity, I do some heavy duty thinking. Usually my thinking leads to "what ifs". Like what if I'd done this different, or what if I had said what I really thought in that situation. It makes me wonder what life would be like...what I would be like. Would I be happier? would I be less stressed? would I be more stressed? What kind of person might I be?

And usually after the what ifs I start seriously analyzing past experiences. I have a crazy memory, so I remember small details more than I do the obvious ones. I tend to remember moods, demeanors, and facial expressions more than I remember the words that were said. strange, huh? anywho...after much analyzing and thinking, it's like a light bulb comes on. Most of the things that I didn't understand at that time become clear. There's clarity and understanding.

THEN after that part of my thinking process, there is a fork in the road. Depending on the situation, my train of thought could go 2 ways. 1) I could look back on my past experience, smile at the good and happy times, learn from the hard and bad times, and move on with life. OR 2) Look back and think....what in the world was I thinking? I was so stupid, how did I not see that? How naive could I get??? What did I miss out on b/c I made that decision???........If I pick choice 2, I go right back to the beginning at the what ifs...it's a never ending cycle that leads to anxiety, stress, and possible depression. Why do I do this to myself? Who knows.

The only solution to this problem is found in Romans 8:28.
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for Him."
Basically, God has a purpose and plan for my life. It doesn't matter how bad or hard things get for me, or how ignorant and stupid I am. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. At the time it may not be obvious, and that might confuse us measly little humans. BUT our GREAT BIG GOD knows exactly what's happening, how it's happening, and why it's happening. He also knows what's going to happen. So why should we confuse ourselves by asking what if and wondering if our lives are going to turn out right? It just causes gray hair, fear, and worry. If we love God and live for Him, we have nothing to worry about. He'll take care of us, and watch out for us. Now if I can just remember to not wonder what if...

Joy Joy Joy Joy down in my heart...

How often do we say something only later to regret it? Or how often do we hear only what we want to hear, and don't listen long enough to get the WHOLE story? How about jumping to conclusions and finding ourselves angry at nothing?

I can't count the number of times I've commented on something without knowing the whole story, or maybe put someone down without taking their feelings into consideration. I'm also guilty of not listening to the whole story and having selective hearing. And man, am I good at jumping to conclusions, and getting frazzled about minor things. It's said that hindsight it 20/20. I'd have to agree. Looking back on some situations on my life, I see that life would have been a lot more pleasant had I shut up, listened , and calmed down.

I was reading in James yesterday and I ran across James 1:19...
" Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry."

How much smoother would life be if we all did this?? Um... I'm not a genius, but I going to go ahead and assume that life would be easier if we all would follow those instructions. As I look back over the past year or so, I see sooo many instances in my life where I became angry; so many miscommunications and misunderstandings. These could have easily been avoided had I been quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. I heard someone say once that many times when we are angry, it goes back to selfish ambitions. Something didn't go the way we thought, or we were inconvenienced by something. We jump to conclusions without knowing the whole story.

So to achieve this goal of being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, we must be selfless. The key to JOY is Jesus, Others, and then yourself. If it's in any other order than that, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. When I do look back on those frustrating times in my life, I see how selfish I was. Don't get me wrong, I am in NO WAY perfect. I still struggle with selfishness. But I can see where I have grown in my relationships. I've matured in my relationship with God, which in turn has matured and strengthened my relationships with others, and the importance of "self" in my life has decreased. Hopefully as I continue to grow in my relationships, the more selfless I'll become.

Settling?...

I'm the kind of person that is pretty laid back, go with the flow, easy going. Sure, I get mad, or upset sometimes. But when it comes to making choices and decisions, my personal philosophy is if it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, and shouldn't be made a big deal. For example, what resturant to eat at, what store to shop at for prom dresses, what flavor tooth paste to get...etc. I usually just pick something and I am perfectly content with it. Sometimes I settle for whatever's convenient and easy, even if there's something I'd like better.
The drawback is that sometimes this content attitude in the little things pours over into the big things. Things that determine my future.

Last summer, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. So I started praying hard and digging in the Word. I considered psychology, early childhood education, and music. The more I prayed and read, the more I felt God calling me to go into music at the University of Mobile. I don't know why. Music is definitely one of my passions, so I decided that I would take a step of faith and trust God to use me however He would.

Well lately I've been wondering if that's really where I'm supposed to go. Maybe I'd be happier staying in Headland and going to Wallace. I'm sure God could used me here too. I was thinking about that today, and it occurred to me that I just settling. Not that Wallace is bad, or the people that go there are settling for mediocrity. But for me personally, I think that by staying here, I would be missing out on some of what God has for me. It's a test of my faith. I know it's not going to be easy leaving home, meeting new people, changing life completely. But that's where God comes in. He's my comforter.

So that's what I'm going to do. I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up, or who I'm going to marry, or where I'm going to live. but I know that God will take care of me and guide me if I seek his will.

"We can make our plans,
But the Lord determines our steps."
-Proverbs 16:9

Change...gr...

So I've never had a xanga, or myspace, or facebook...so this is all kinda new to me. But there's just so much going on in my life right now, and I need to get it out somewhere.

I guess I could start with the summer! Summer went by so quickly, but it was a growing experience for me. I babysat for the first few weeks, then went to SLA in Nashville. That was one of the best experiences of my life. My mom told me before I left that it would be a defining moment in my life. Umm...once again, my mother was right. She's so smart. I really didn't have any expectations going into it, but it surpassed all that I could have imagined. I learned so much about how to be a good leader, and I learned so much about myself. AJ, our leader, had such a passion for God and for ministering to people. She was awesome! There were 12 of us from Alabama, Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Tennessee. Over 2 weeks, we all came to know and love each other. I'm so blessed to have met them, and I know God put us all there at a specific time for a specific purpose. They are truly some of my very best friends. It's amazing how deep relationships are when everybody has the same focus in life. I have a deeper friendship with them than I do with alot of my friends that I've known since like 5th grade. I felt like I could be me, no mask, no act, just...me. And everybody else said the same thing. This little thing called a "comfort zone"...there wasn't one. Anyways it was an incredible experience. It's one of those things where nobody really understands what you've experienced except the people you experienced it with. I still think about it everyday and use what I learned. When I got back, I was determined that I wasn't going to let this just be another camp experience and go back to living a mediocre life. So far, I have held to that commitment.

Mfuge was so fun, and also very uplifting. But it was time to get back to the real world. I mean you can't go to mission camp all year can you?....weeell after much pondering on this statement I realized that hello? those other approximately 1254 people at my school need Jesus just as much as the people in Nashville did. They need to see Christ in me. Every day it's like going on a mission trip. Why have a comfort zone? You may be missing out on something amazing that God wants for you just because you don't want to do something that might make people look at you different. I really been working on getting out of my comfort zone. There's a cry in my heart for God to do something totally incredible at NHS this year. I refuse to let this year go down as just another normal year. I want to impact people for Christ.

Okay so now that we've talked about summer, let's move on. Anybody that knows me, knows that I love my friends. Well, my closest friends either have left or are leaving for college soon.(I'm a youngen) It was hard for me when my brother went to college last year, and it took some getting used to. But 4 of my best friends are leaving. I'm very excited for them, but I'm going to miss them big time. I know I'll still talk to them, and do stuff when they're home, but still. It makes me sad. I saw most of them almost every day for 3 years, and now they're growing up. In a way I feel like a proud parent...they're all growing up and evolving into great people and I'm proud to say that they're my friends. But the other part of me is like the selfish best friend that wants them to be with me forever. Selfishness is not good. I'm working on that though. I know they'll all do great and succeed in all they do, but I really miss them already. They're like my support system, my stress relief, my posse, my...best friends. Anywho, enough sad stuff. No matter where they are, they'll always be special to me.

I can already feel God preparing me for the next year, as I make decisions that will affect the rest of my life. It's exciting, somewhat stressful, kind of scary, but mostly an adventure. I'm a firm believer that God uses experiences to teach us things. So no matter how much I'd like to regret decisions and things in my past, no matter how much I don't want to go through change, I know that I wouldn't be the person that I am today had I not experienced those things. I truly think that I've grown more in the past month and a half than the past 4 years. My whole perspective of life has changed. I've been thinking deeper and more than I'm used to. My goals are higher, my beliefs are stronger, and my spiritual life is deeper. I think I'm growing up...kind of scary, isn't it?